I don’t intend to send this, but these thoughts just came to me as I’ve studied the scriptures and other things recently.
I am still terrified of you. Sometimes I still hate you. Sometimes I realize I haven’t forgiven you yet.
But part of me cares about you, and the only reason I can think of to explain that is because you are a child of God.
I still want you to be held accountable for what you did.
But I also want you to change–really change–and become a really good person. Not for me, but for you.
The anger in me says that its not possible, but I know that is a lie.
The history of mankind has shown us even vile sinners repenting and changing. Not all do. But some do. Which shows that its possible.
Why do I want you to change? Because I know that what you have done to me is not who you are.
What you did and are doing is not what you were born for. You were once a little newborn baby, just like all the precious ones I see at the grocery store or the park or at church.
God didn’t send you here to lie, abuse, and harm. He didn’t send you here to destroy other lives. He didn’t send you here to utterly fail and be condemned eternally.
He sent you here to make it. He sent you here to succeed. He sent you here to love, learn, and grow.
I don’t know what has caused you to make such horrible choices. But you are not a monster. You are a human being. You are responsible for your choices, and must be held accountable. And you also have the opportunity to and the ability to change, if you want to. To repent. To become who God intended you to be.
If you do make the choice to change, to become who God wants you to be, it won’t change our relationship. I have PTSD now, and just seeing you in a crowd brings back the flood of memories, terror, and pain from what you did. It will never be healthy for me to be around you.
Your decision to change will not help me or us. But it will help you. And you matter too. You are a child of God too. He wants whats best for you just as He wants whats best for me. He loves you just as He loves me. You are of value just as I am of value.
I never thought I would say that. Or even think that. But its true.
It is up to you what you will do with the rest of your life. Change is so hard. But it is possible, because you are a child of God. And if you want it, He will help you change and become who He meant you to be.